Friday Funny: Detroit's Newest Slum Unveiled

The Onion reports on the "window-shattering ceremony" officially opening Detroit's newest slum, a neighborhood designed with the "latest in high-risk, hopelessly impoverished housing options."

1 minute read

May 15, 2009, 2:00 PM PDT

By Michael Dudley


"As community leaders and members of the press looked on, Detroit mayor David Bing proudly hurled the first brick this week in a window-shattering ceremony for the city's newest dilapidated slum.

Lined with flickering streetlamps, and conveniently located within walking distance of several abandoned Chevrolet plants, the new slum reportedly offers residents the latest in high-risk, hopelessly impoverished housing options.

Designed as an urban community where parents will be too afraid to let children out of their sight, and where residents can come together, get involved in dangerous gangs, and eventually hold up a liquor store, Baneberry Heights is Detroit's largest housing initiative in nearly a decade.

'The whirring of police sirens, the stench of rising smoke, screams from a domestic dispute spilling out into the night-I can imagine it already,' said Detroit city planner Paul Mitchelson. 'This is going to be the slum to try and escape from for years to come.'"

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 in The Onion

portrait of professional woman

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching. Mary G., Urban Planner

I love the variety of courses, many practical, and all richly illustrated. They have inspired many ideas that I've applied in practice, and in my own teaching.

Mary G., Urban Planner

Get top-rated, practical training

Red 1972 Ford Pinto with black racing stripes on display with man sitting in driver's seat.

Analysis: Cybertruck Fatality Rate Far Exceeds That of Ford Pinto

The Tesla Cybertruck was recalled seven times last year.

July 2, 2025 - Mother Jones

Close-up of park ranger in green jacket and khaki hat looking out at Bryce Canyon National Park red rock formations.

National Parks Layoffs Will Cause Communities to Lose Billions

Thousands of essential park workers were laid off this week, just before the busy spring break season.

February 18, 2025 - National Parks Traveler

Paved walking path next to canal in The Woodlands, Texas with office buildings in background.

Retro-silient?: America’s First “Eco-burb,” The Woodlands Turns 50

A master-planned community north of Houston offers lessons on green infrastructure and resilient design, but falls short of its founder’s lofty affordability and walkability goals.

February 19, 2025 - Greg Flisram

Screenshot of shade map of Buffalo, New York with legend.

Test News Post 1

This is a summary

0 seconds ago - 2TheAdvocate.com

Red 1972 Ford Pinto with black racing stripes on display with man sitting in driver's seat.

Analysis: Cybertruck Fatality Rate Far Exceeds That of Ford Pinto

The Tesla Cybertruck was recalled seven times last year.

18 minutes ago - Mother Jones

test alt text

Test News Headline 46

Test for the image on the front page.

March 5 - Cleantech blog